Response to Olivia Baugh's "Nightmare"

  Ok so going into this story I was a little curious as to what was going to happen. It intrigued me to the point where I wanted to finish the story. Also I was very nervous when you threw in the Harry Potter lingo because I thought, oh boy this made the story just drop all tension it had going for it. However, I had forgotten about this disorder you threw in with the character so when it came to and Damian was back in reality, the tension heighten so much more I was all into this story . It was such an indirect way of going about it.
  But let that lead me into my next point. I think that it is too much of an indirect way that it takes for the story. Also you don't explain at all what the disorder is other than it causes Damian to have episodes. I feel if you went into a little explanation of what it was or briefly describe a previous episode. I know that might not make the story have that same surprise but without some explanation, to me it just leaves to story lacking.
  Another key thing to look at is that scattered all throughout the story you go into a lot of over detail, and you repeat the same thing. Not as in the same words but you will describe something in detail then you would reiterate what you just said in the next sentence with three or four words. Also the "Dum's" to me aren't working. I see what you are going for and in this context it just adds more than what is needed to the story.