Reading Response to Ariel Cartwright's "The Machine of Wonders"

  You do a very good job of getting into the mindset of a child. I love all the imagery that comes with that as well. Like describing the nurse as a rubber duck, and the only scene with the cigarette machine was great. Also just the air of the mood was just on point. You do a good job of setting a very emotion and intense scene set in the eyes of a child. And I thought that whenever your tenison scene would come up, it wouldn't work that well because it is from the eyes of the child but it did work and it was great.
  One thing I would change is I want the child, when she leaves, to wander around much more. I know she is just walking down the hall but that is what children do. I feel like having her wander past different rooms and see different patients and having her thinking about that. Also I want her to walk into the room seeing her mom. I know that is really morbid but I would be very intense and emotional and you can play around with how she interprets what she sees.

Reading Response to Dan Yurcaba's "Red Checkered Suit"

  Wow, I was not expecting that to end. All throughout the story I was curious where this was going. I get that the man was a little creepy and and had probably "Made sure she made it home ok" before but man this was intense. When she hit her head in the market, the tension rose immensely. Also you do a very good job of establishing how close these characters are, Paul and Cheryl. The line "She did not notice and he noticed she did not notice." was to intense. Also you do a good job of describing things. You use a lot of adjectives in places but they aren't complex words, they're more or less simple. And that works well for your story.
  One thing I wish was different is that up until we know that the speakers name is Paul, you keep referring to him as the man in the red checkered suit. I get that this is the title and it holds a very significant meaning to the story but I gets overused and losing its meaning. Another thing is I'd really like to know more about this man, Paul. How old is he? How often does he follow Cheryl home? Is this an obession with him? There are a lot of unanswered questions about him that I's like to know. And you could even start the story with a paragraph of Paul almost getting caught or something from his childhood involving his parents.

Reading Response to Timothy Collier's "The Passing Days Only Brighten"

  You do an amazing job of describing this town that is Rhodesia, Alabama. The way you describe the contents of the town, the people and their reactions to everything, and also the weather, all of it reminded me when I lived in a very small Alabama town. Another part I really enjoyed was on page four in the assembly when the speaker is hearing all the people talking. It seemed really realistic to me because you have Butch just getting snippets and tail ends of conversation. Some of it made sense, some of it didn't so that is working well for the story.
  One thing I was left curious about was the character Carver. I get that the whole story is based around this man dying and we learn a whole lot about him through people talking about him in the assembly and what not but I want to know what Butch thinks of him. When he goes back to his house I like that you have the character conflicting back and forth between the campaign and this man but it just seems unnatural to me because it isn't clear of what kind of relationship these two men had, Carver and Butch. Also you throw in this letter and Butch is so distraught by this his senses are blurred. What is going on here? Why is he so upset? And just as I start thinking about these questions we and in a different part of the room. The ending seems to fast paced and leaves too many unanswered questions.

Reading Response to Emma Hyche's "Pulaski County"

  First off wow. This was an amazing story. For the very beginning you no one captured my attention but you kept it entertained the entire way through. I love the speaker. You have the suspicious sense of not knowing whether or not she actually cares about her kids or if she is just too tired. You constantly feel bad for her but as soon as you get into that mind set she does something that throws you away from that. Also I think the first person perspective works great for this story. Also you do a great job of describing the setting. "I'd trace my fingers over the black and white sand and shiver as the wind whistled in through the cracks in the floorboard."
  One thing I want to see more of is this connection with the grandmother, the speakers grandmother. There are two paragraphs at that end of page four and beginning of page five where we learn a little of the history between the grandmother and the speaker but not much else. If she is this prominent figure in her life bring that out more. I don't think it would take away from the feel of the story. And I feel you can bring this out just before the police officer shows up. Have her be deep in sleep and wanting to be back in that moment either with her grandmother or Jeremy and talk about both good and bad moments.

Reading Response to Carrie Mullenholz "Normalcy"

  So I like the idea with where this is going. You have a college girl who is very close to her mother, as stated in the opening paragraph, and is ultimately betrayed when she finds out that her mother has been cheating on her father and sudden the shift of loving her mother more goes to the father.
  You have a very good setup for your speaker. Mainly that initial paragraph dealing with the flowers. Your speaker just seems so fleshed out and so natural when she talks to people and when she experiences grief. Another good thing is your descriptive use. You give good details on the setting, even though most of it is subtle, which isn't a bad thing. The part in particular was when so was running back to the house and she trips. You have this fast paced moment where the speaker in distress and doesn't necessarily know what is going on around her but you manage to make it believable in the things she does comment on. I feel a lot of writers miss that.
  Places where I can see you to improve is dealing with the father. We don't really know that much about him and he really doesn't take hold of his character until the speaker goes back to college and she calls him every night. Another thing is the last conversation we get between the speaker and the father in the summer on page 5, it seems to...ehh...I want more out of the conversation. I want to see her react to this information about a woman she has trusted so much just devastate her to the point of being broken down. I understand his reaction to the recent actions of his wife but this is all new to the speaker. Lastly I feel that the ending could be changed. Everything seems to be summed up, not all nicely but enough to make the reader happy. I feel like the ending we have can work but it need to be another page longer. Have a bigger argument between them. Make us see how much the mother hurt her daughter and how much the daughter is hurt.

Reading Response to Kiki Young's "The Sibling Savior"

  So I like where this story was going. There is set up for a very interesting controversial story especially with the idea that the baby would be donor match for the speaker and save her life. You have so much information and set up to make a heart clenching story but it falls short in the end. It feels like you just wrapped up the story in that last paragraph because you didn't know where to go with it. Also you give all this information earlier in the story of medical information put you don't explain how the bone marrow transfer from a baby would work.

  With talking about the medical information. You present it in such a formal manner that it feel unnatural. You have a doctor explaining very complicated information to a 17 year old girl who is scared. That was my main complaint with the story. We are given all these characters like the speaker and David and we don't have any real reason to care about them. Yes it is nice that David is helping her sister and it is bad that the speaker as cancer but I feel like the cancer is forcing the reader to care. We don't have a natural reason to want to care that the speaker will get better. Mainly because we already know. 

Creative Writing Event 2

  The second event I went to was one of the local art museum's "Third Thursday" events. It was a special one because it was the Jake Adam York Tribute Reading. I had never heard of this man before but noticing that we moved to a bigger room and had three times as many chairs out I figured that he was very important. When the event started I found out who Jake was and the impact he had on the Auburn poet community. What he wrote the most about was martyrs and supports, their story, of the civil rights movement. I can't think of the new of the type of poetry at the moment.
  The night had four speakers, each one was a close friend to Jake. The first was his publisher. He talked about his experience with Jake and how he sent him a copy of his last book only a short time period before his death. He then proceed to read a few of his poem. The next person who went on was another older man. His readings of the Jake poems is what really set me apart that night. He read a poem, a long one, and it was about this very detailed account of a woman experiencing her life pre and during the civil rights movement. And believe me Dr. Spell when I say that it made me teary eyed. (Not just a single glistening tear, sorry I couldn't resist)
  After that night, it kind of gave me a jumpstart to start writing creatively again and not just in my poetry but also in my fiction. This inspired me to really dive into my second story and helped me write it from my mother's perspective. It also solidified that I need to write about things other than myself and my emotions, but to try and write about others and other things.