You do a very good job of getting into the mindset of a child. I love all the imagery that comes with that as well. Like describing the nurse as a rubber duck, and the only scene with the cigarette machine was great. Also just the air of the mood was just on point. You do a good job of setting a very emotion and intense scene set in the eyes of a child. And I thought that whenever your tenison scene would come up, it wouldn't work that well because it is from the eyes of the child but it did work and it was great.
One thing I would change is I want the child, when she leaves, to wander around much more. I know she is just walking down the hall but that is what children do. I feel like having her wander past different rooms and see different patients and having her thinking about that. Also I want her to walk into the room seeing her mom. I know that is really morbid but I would be very intense and emotional and you can play around with how she interprets what she sees.
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