First off wow. This was an amazing story. For the very beginning you no one captured my attention but you kept it entertained the entire way through. I love the speaker. You have the suspicious sense of not knowing whether or not she actually cares about her kids or if she is just too tired. You constantly feel bad for her but as soon as you get into that mind set she does something that throws you away from that. Also I think the first person perspective works great for this story. Also you do a great job of describing the setting. "I'd trace my fingers over the black and white sand and shiver as the wind whistled in through the cracks in the floorboard."
One thing I want to see more of is this connection with the grandmother, the speakers grandmother. There are two paragraphs at that end of page four and beginning of page five where we learn a little of the history between the grandmother and the speaker but not much else. If she is this prominent figure in her life bring that out more. I don't think it would take away from the feel of the story. And I feel you can bring this out just before the police officer shows up. Have her be deep in sleep and wanting to be back in that moment either with her grandmother or Jeremy and talk about both good and bad moments.
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