Response to Timothy Collier's "Wounded"

  First off I really enjoyed this story. You give a great deal of descriptive use in both the environment around you and your  main character. One of the lines I loved was when you were describing the cut on the first page, "... and below the gleaming, pink tissue, hundreds of yellow-white beads stirred, reflecting at intervals the warm streetlights." Another big thing I liked was the jumping back and forth between narratives. For the most part those are done very well. A little of halfway through I noticed that it really started to complement Jason's character in a way that told me much more about him than, I feel, just a straight narrative of only one of the story would have told. My favorite was when Jason was confronted with Nick. I feel like that told a lot about his character in a more subtle way if that makes sense.

  One thing to like at when revising is how you transition into these narratives. Some of them were a little hard to follow, possibly because they started on a different page, and I got a little lost at times. The main one being at the beginning of page seven. On page six you have this interest narrative of Jason as a small child with his grandfather. If you ended that one not as abrupt when going back into the Nick narrative, it would feel a little smoother. Another thing is I want more of a development between Jason and Mickey. I feel as though you only used that narrative a a grounding for your story but I feel like it could have just as much development out of Jason as the narrative with Nick. 

  All in all you have a great story here and I think the three narrative does work but you do have some kinks to work out.