I have to say that the beginning to this story feel like something that would come out of a much longer full length novel. You take us into the life of this early post-grad girl named Tyra and explain who she is by what she thinks of her friends, her father, and her situation in the school. You also do a great job of characterizing her friends as well, but at the same time it is through her lens so who knows what these people are actually like.
She seems very uppity about herself and it makes me want to hate her more, even still after finding out her Mom died in a car accident. I feel as though you set up this main character to hated by the readers but also able to keep us interested. You have a lot of great descriptive elements going on and that great. I honestly want to keep reading about what is going to happen to Tyra.
One critique I have to give is that the story doesn't really end. You have this rising action leading us to what I had hoped to be a very interesting, hoping cringe-worthy, moment of tension but once you get to it, it just happens. It went very forced and dry and after that nothing happens.
I would say to make that seen better, I have two options: the first being I want be to taken into the class more. Show that she has this interest in literature but the class is ruined by Mr. Leone's constantly calling her out and awkward attention. So then when the tension does come she has more of a resentment to Mr. Leone other the he's old and creepy. Also with that conversation, draw it out more. Make an argument happen or some conflict to make Mr. Leone seem more than some lonely middle-aged guy going through a midlife crisis. Make him worse than Tyra. Right now you have a terrible main character in the sense of her personality and we have no resolution to the problem: her finding that she doesn't need to act the way she does and that she doesn't need all this attention.
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